community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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