i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
