First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
