When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
