he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
dude. I can hear the air.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
