My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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