Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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