come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
