we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize