i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
