meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
