pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
