Buhtt sex?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
