so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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