You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
