Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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