I accidentally had phone sex last night
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
