I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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