Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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