I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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