I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
