Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
