WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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