My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
no you cant smoke seaweed
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
