dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
