yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
