I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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