He asked me if I "almost moaned"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Found the puke drawer
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
