dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
