His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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