I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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