I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just had sex on a roof
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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