so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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