Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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