He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
