I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so let's talk penis.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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