Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
