I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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