Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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