Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
