Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
