So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Non-Jews are for practice
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
