I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
