The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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