I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
