I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dicks are not precious.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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