so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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