The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
