I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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