Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
