I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
