He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize