Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
