I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My liver just broke up with me...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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