I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
