so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
