Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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