well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
