He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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