I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
