everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
