Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
