i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize