you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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