So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
A+ Viking dick
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
