Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
