Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
