Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
