3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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