Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
