Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
