OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
