If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
