Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
