He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
