Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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