did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
