I hate your face
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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