i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
