party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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