I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
