Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There r osticjed everywhere
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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