It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize